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Cookery Tips for the Apocalypse

from Cookery Tips for the Apocalypse by Mallard the Wonderdog

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lyrics

In the face of disaster the chef comes to ask ya to learn how to master a fresh plate of pasta/grate Parmesan faster on pollo ad astra/your repertoire vaster than this time back last year

Leathery features cooking the creatures/kids without teachers sucking like leeches/A nobhead who teaches the best prep for peaches/the far flung reaches of the cynic who preaches

If you find yourself in a scare of health And you're wondering how this could add to your wealth/Get some half-arsed recipes off the shelf/Get your wife to film you make a twat of yourself/If you've spent you're life accruing capital/And a virus rocks up to crap on it all/Get your fizzog
on the telly if you have the gall/Make some chicken vermicelli on a conference call

Is he taking the pips with his cookery tips for the apocalypse snippin' chicken in strips/Becoming equipped with a pancake flip is no help when you're tipped to wind up in a crypt/Now a tie in book would be obvious as fuck but the kudos accumulated pays the big bucks/Let's
all appreciate the bravery it took/Living in a mansion and having to cook

Leftover saffron the working man's curse/Duck vol au vonts that are light on the purse/Venison sausage could be worse/There goes your neighbour in a knackered out hearse

He's as out of touch as he's out to lunch/Seems a bit much knocking up brunch/Smashed avocado with a breadcrumb crunch/There's a fudding pandemic on you funting cunch

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from Cookery Tips for the Apocalypse, released November 4, 2020

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Mallard the Wonderdog is a crime-fighting dog.

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